Thursday, January 27, 2011

Hotel life

So I get into my hotel room after work, and I notice that the fucking maids moved my ketchup packets from the left side of the table, all the way to the right side which is bullshit. If I wanted the packets on the right I would have put them there. Then I look over at the bed and there's four fucking pillows!? Like what the fuck ? Do I look like I have 4 fucking heads ??

thinking about changing hotels.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Santa takes er Greyhound

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even a mouse, because Santa bought a bunch of mouse traps and got rid of most of them.

Meanwhile at the greyhound bus station, Santa is at the ticket booth...

Santa - " I would like a ticket for each town "

Ticket Attendant - " Excuse me sir ticket for where? Where are you going?"

Santa - "Every town I said. What do you think I just wear this stupid suit and beard for nothing ? I'm Santa for Christ sakes
I have to deliver gifts to every fucking house tonight. "

Ticket Attendant - " OK ...? Don't you have a sleigh for that ?

Santa " Do I look like I have a fucking sleigh to you?? I had a sleigh until Rudolf got piss loaded drunk last night, guided the sleigh into a telephone pole, and got
a DUI.

Ticket Attendant - " Well can't you get Donner or Blitzen to guide the sleigh tonight ?"

Santa - "Donner is the only other reindeer with a class 3 license and he knocked up some elk and ran away to Alaska."

The ticket attendant glanced past Santa and noticed his sky high pile of bags.

Ticket Attendant - " I'm sorry Mr Santa but we don't have room for all those bags on our buses."

Santa - " Listen lady do you know what it takes to make these gifts? Everyone thinks elves just work for free like on the movies, well that's bullshit. I have to feed them, house them, and listen to their annoying squeaky voices. I do all this just to give the world all free shit for no apparent reason, and now you won't let me on your bus?"

to be continued...

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Today's News Headlines :

Teen pirate girl walks the plank after boyfriend dumps her.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009


What did Paris Hilton say when she burnt her lips on hot coffee ?

answer: "That's hot"

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Ladies first

I am a true old fashioned gentleman. When I come up to a doorway, not only do I believe in ladies first. I believe in ladies first, transgendered persons second, Homosexual men third, most feminine men fourth, and regular men dead last.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

I would just like to thank Mcdonalds for being so dearly charitable over the many years,and supplying all those kegs of orange colored sugar drink to all the kids soccer games. Well done !!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Cabin Fever

Cabin fever might be annoying but at least you don't have cabin aids.