Ladies first

I am a true old fashioned gentleman. When I come up to a doorway, not only do I believe in ladies first. I believe in ladies first, transgendered persons second, Homosexual men third, most feminine men fourth, and regular men dead last.

I would just like to thank Mcdonalds for being so dearly charitable over the many years,and supplying all those kegs of orange colored sugar drink to all the kids soccer games. Well done !!

Cabin Fever

Cabin fever might be annoying but at least you don't have cabin aids.

Cookie Monster

You really gotta feel bad for Cookie Monster. His whole purpose in life is to eat cookies, and he doesn't even have a throat.

Dear Curlers

Dear Curlers,

Why don't you just sweep the ice before you curl?

Rappers

Does anyone know why every rapper, ABSOLUTELY MUST , have a phone call skit on their album ? Are rappers responsible for making the household phone as popular as it is today?

Diary Entries from a Baby in the Womb

Dear diary,

Month 9

Holy fuck its getting hot up in this motha!!!

- Baby